Separated parents have a very negative impact on the overall mental growth and self-esteem of a child who is still interpreting the depth of relationships.
Relationships these days have become too weak. You cannot guarantee their eternity because now that materialism has gained central importance in the world, the age of relationships today has come near to extinction.
A number of social and psychological issues are involved in this attitude. However, the certain thing is that individuals have more or less become selfish and this implies to the parents as well who decide to end their marriage after years of relationship.
Though this gives them freedom from an unwanted relationship but it leaves a forever scar on the hearts of their children as they have to live with it forever.
- Separated parents are the ones who decide to divorce each other and take co-parenting as per the court orders.
- Children have a deep impact on such grave decisions over their mental health.
- A child gets isolated, depressed, panicked, and feels betrayed followed by a sense of hatred towards parents and all other relationships present in his life.
- Separated parents’ decision impacts the mental health of their child throughout his life.
What Exactly Is Separation And Separated Parents?
Separation refers to the termination of a relationship. It usually marks the end of a marital relationship where both the spouses deliberately decide to bid each other farewell because they perceive that they can no longer stay in a relationship.
Separated parents are the spouses who get separated from each other but are still connected to each other through the eternal binding chain of parenthood.
They are the ones who know that they can no longer share the same roof with their other half, thus they also distribute their parental duties in their attempt to make the child satisfied and content about their new decision.
When parents get separated from each other. They don’t say bye in a physical sense but become emotionally distant from each other as well. This creates a number of issues in the children’s lives who are unable to find the reason for apparent divorce.
Often parents who get separated from each other decide to continue their parenthood by the method of “co-parenting”. In this process, both the parents are there at the outer level for their child since they believe that total segregation might leave negative impacts on the child’s life, so they don’t disturb his previous routine, the one which was prevalent before the divorce.
The parental duties remain the same and both the parents are there for the child as well. The difference is that in co-parenting one parent only meets the child for some limited hours and tries to fulfill all the fatherly or motherly duties during those fixed hours as per the court’s order.
Impacts of Separated Parents On A Child
Obviously, all the warmth from parents can be obtained in one or two general hours. This is because children need parents to be there on a number of occasions.
They don’t want their parents just to formally be there with them on a weekend of a few hours because then that warmth seems lost. However, it isn’t the only thing that is given by divorce to a child.
There are a number of certain other things which become a permanent part of the child’s life soo when he leaves the warmth of his own house and becomes more like a guest with both.
- A Sense Of Loss
- Low self-esteem
- Lack of Trust
- Dark Thoughts
A Sense Of Loss
Parents are an integral part of the world which we create. You can think that in our world, the central characters are always occupied by our parents because they are the ones who are most dear to us.
We can never think of leaving our parents unless there is a natural accident which causes so. But, in some cases when divorce happens and parents are co-parenting without the other half, it gives a sense of loss to the child.
He feels as if he has lost something very precious which he will never ever regain. The sad part is that it is true on a larger part. Scientists say that the child who has once suffered from the incident of separation consistently faces a hollow heart where the pain never gets reduced because of watching your parents with their new spouses and this brings pain in their heart which always remains the same.
This is why most of the children who have gone through a separation often avoid their stepparents. It rarely happens that your stepparents manage to gain up enough confidence that you finally decide to move on.
Many of the children are fast to lose all their confidence the moment their life gets distributed in two different directions. They are afraid of a number of factors especially if they are of growing age.
They try to interpret and apply this new individual change in their life and introduce it in their lives as much as they can. Their self-confidence is gone forever because of the general attitude of the people who highly criticized a broken relationship and this sweeps away the relationship of their individuality with it.
They become weak, too weak. They are unable to face the world because of their fear of being unanswerable to the world for what their parents have done.
Depression is commonly seen in these children who have lived with one of their separated parents. It is because of many reasons. The feeling of loss, the emotional hurt, and the sense of fear are prevalent with them.
This depression sometimes becomes swear. It means that it is episodic in nature. Mood swings and aggression are common in these children. Many researchers also claim that the strangeness in their attitude often results because of their inability to accept the new life.
In their mind, they are in a continuous state of denial and when they have to move according to the changing situation, it panics them as they are unable to cope with the new environment.
Even after they compromise to live with the new situation, their depression keeps on returning because of the hurt they have suffered as a result of this.
Because of weak emotional power, they have no control over their feelings and they are highly vulnerable. However, psychologists categorize this in two different categories. One is the emotional vulnerability that comes obviously from this. The other is conversational vulnerability.
In the first one, the child is very much expressive about his emotions and breaks down at every little thing. However, in the second category, he becomes vulnerable only when someone tries to talk with him. This initiates him to express himself and he openly starts admitting that he is hurt by the decision.
Because of continuous fear and loss, such children are more likely to become much more sensitive about their environment. As I discussed that they break down at every little thing due to the intense pain which troubles their heart.
Even very trivial events such as a mild act of mockery in the peer groups or the family circles have the ability to upset the child because he is emotionally on the verge of breaking, therefore, he never understands the ridicule or amusement intended at him and often retorts bluntly when he feels he is being emotionally ridiculed.
Children whose parents are no longer able to provide them, love, due to separation and scheduled meetings, then sort out the alternatives to find love and care. One interesting thing is that research conducted on teenage girls proved that girls who were from broken families always wanted someone in their life so that the void could be fulfilled.
This dependency often creates problems when they find the other person isn’t able to respond to their emotions in the way they want. As they are looking for the replica of their parents, when they are unable to find one such individual, they become aggressive and suicidal.
Lack Of Trust
Because they have seen their parents breaking up with each other. This leaves a very deep wound in their heart that seems incurable. The worst thing is that their trust ends right there. They stop trusting people who are in their life and become doubtful of the love of every individual who is near them.
It is a most common behavior exhibited by the children of separated parents that they are not the ones who easily trust everyone. This also shakes their trust in their parents and they no longer trust them as well.
When a child witnesses that his peers are living happily with their parents, while his parents are no longer together due to their own egoistic nature. This fills his heart with hatred for them as well as for all the future relationships.
Most often, such people end up never marrying anyone in their lives because they are too afraid and at the same time, hateful of the relationships which don’t run for a long time. Thus, they become deceptive towards long-term friendships and relationships.
Their foremost attempt is to avoid them because it brings them back the painful memories of their childhood and parents which they don’t want to recall at all.
Because of taking the impact from the divorce of their parents, the children of separated parents are the ones whose minds give birth to billions of dark thoughts each time so much so that they are unable to concentrate on their life. All they think about is death because of the feeling of being unwanted and unloved.
We often find these children suffering in silence on their own because they don’t want to be interrupted by anyone. Since they have enormous trust issues, they prefer to stay alone.
Though they might be requiring others for their emotional needs. However, even those needs are short-term. They are introverts who feel anxious in crowds and parties. So they prefer a life where they are not noticed by anyone.
Separated parents are not just deciding for their own selves but they are also impacting the lives of their children whenever they are making one such decision. Though they might be able to recover from the trauma of divorce after some time when they find someone new, but the void left in the life of a child finds no one new and it remains bleeding even after the child matures.
This becomes a permanent part of his nature. There is a need to accept that if you no longer want to be with a person, decide very carefully especially after you have children because your single decision might become a forever trauma for a child.